


Love Will Have Its Sacrifices

by Crylorenn



Series: The Dark Side of Love [1]
Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, I'm bad at tagging stuff, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 11:19:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5783398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crylorenn/pseuds/Crylorenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where am I going with this? Basically, from a young age you were groomed by Supreme Leader Snoke to join with Kylo Ren. As a final test for both you and Kylo, he has to kill you, the only problem is during your time together you’ve fallen in love. There is an alternate ending and I am in the works of writing a redemption arc sequel. This story mainly follows The Force Awakens timeline and then goes straight into an AU after the explosion of Starkiller Base. I hope you like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices: Chapter 1

From a young age you heard the voice of Snoke in your dreams. Growing up on your home planet in the outer rim you were visited in your dreams by the eerie sith as his words guided you. When you were old enough, you began your training in the Force, channeling your anger as Snoke had told you. You were raised to make the ultimate sacrifice to bring order to the universe, a sacrifice that would cost you your life, but you were willing, though you did not know what it truly meant until later.  
On your 15th birthday, Snoke appeared in a dream to you again, telling you of your fateful destiny. You were not afraid, fear was weakness and for those below you as Snoke had told you. You were powerful and you would do whatever it took to make the universe as it was under the Empire. That dream was years ago, now you were stationed on the Starkiller base, advising Snoke’s young apprentice Kylo Ren.  
Your relationship with Kylo was a rocky one at first, often butting heads on how to run things and questioning his motives often. You were both very young when you met, but he was the Jedi Killer, immensely strong in the Force, and the apprentice to the darkest man in the universe, you were proud of the man he had become and he was proud to stand by your side.  
“Are you going to tell me what you’re thinking about, or do I have to read your mind?” Kylo had come up behind you, mask off, interrupting your thoughts.  
“You know you can’t read my mind, we have the same Master. But if you must know, I was thinking about how badly I must have messed up my life to be here with you.” You laughed, turning to meet his eyes.  
They were intense and easy to get lost in as much as you hated to admit. In the years you had spent together, he had gotten stronger, taller, and… more attractive. You’d never let him know you thought that though.  
“Probably something terrible. Anyway, I was coming here to remind you that you were supposed to be training with me 20 minutes ago.” Kylo said faking annoyance.  
“Oh shit! Okay, well I’ve gotta change. I’ll meet you there.” You said making a mad dash to the folded up leather combat gear.  
“I don’t mind waiting here.” He smirked and you rolled your eyes, hoping he didn’t notice the blush rushing to your face. “I’ll even put my mask on, I can’t see anything in this thing.” He added with a laughing pulling his helmet on.  
“Out.” Was all you said before pushing him out the door and slamming it. You could hear the mask distort his laugh on the other side of the door.  
Training was exhausting to say the least. You both were getting stronger in the Force, but painfully lacked grace when it came to lightsabers. Your only advantage was how reckless Kylo was. He never cared for his own safety, fighting mostly on the offensive, while you relied on more lithe frame to attack his open guard. It almost concerned you how reckless he could be, you worried for his safety when he fought. You were protective of each other, but you fought to not allow the weakness of guarding him as well as yourself in combat. That was compassion, you thought, and that was a weakness. You thought this as you were suddenly knocked to the ground.  
"You’re off your game [Y/N], I just won aga-“ Kylo began to gloat when you force pulled him to the ground where you once lay.  
"You were saying?” You smiled and extended a gloved hand to him.  
"I technically won. You cheated.“ He laughed through his mask, making a odd low mechanical noise.  
"That’s where you’re wrong, there is no cheating in the Dark Side.” You adjusted your dark tunic and turned towards the door, feeling a presence coming in.  
"Supreme Leader Snoke has called for you, Lady [Y/N’.“ General Hux stood in the doorway, his coat filling up the doorway.  
"But I’m sweaty!” You whined.  
"Now.“ Was all Hux said as he turned, expecting you to follow.  
“You’re right, you smell like the bottom of the garbage compactor. I’ll talk to you later, [Y/N] meet me at the usual spot?” Kylo spoke, removing his helmet, revealing somehow perfectly tousled dark hair.  
"Sure and you’re telling me how the hell your helmet hair looks better than mine when I get there.“ You snorted, mussing up his hair as you followed Hux out the door.


	2. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices: Chapter 2

You followed General Hux, making your way down the echoing halls in silence. You and Hux didn’t get along from the start and although you believed in the First Order just as much as he did, his tactics were harsh even from your standpoint. It freaked you out a little if you were being honest. So, the less you had to talk to the general, the better.  
Through the corridor, the projection of Snoke stared down at you. You always felt like snickering when you saw it, in your head you imagined he was compensating for something.  
“Hello Supreme Leader, how may I be of service.” You said mechanically, listening to Hux’s footsteps recede behind you. You tried to determine whether his lack of presence was good or not. He often liked to see Snoke chew you and Kylo out for your mistakes and add to them whenever he could.  
“You have been doing well, my young apprentice. I trust Kylo Ren has been becoming stronger under your guidence.” His voice filled the room, you wondered how he did that.  
“Yes, he has. I believe he will be a strong leader.” You nodded in agreement to your words.  
“The Light still calls him, as it calls you. Do not allow him to be seduced, that is your duty, [Y/N], by whatever means necessary.”  
“Yes, Master. We will not fail.”  
“He trusts you.”  
You paused, unsure of how to answer.  
“We are allied, sir, we have saved each other’s lives many times. It would be unwise to fight beside someone you do not trust.” You stumbled through the sentence, questioning where Snoke was going with this conversation.  
“Good, make sure he trusts you. This is part of your destiny.”  
“Sir?”  
“When the time comes, I will guide you. The power of the Dark Side is strong in you, do not fail it.” With that, the hologram of Snoke disappeared.  
Well that was unnecessarily cryptic. You thought. You turned and made your way back to your quarters before meeting Kylo. As you walked down the corridor, a storm trooper collided with you.  
“Watch it!” You huffed, grabbing the trooper in a force choke and straightening your dark robes. The trooper was stuttering apologies when you dropped him to the floor,  
“What’s your name?” You furrowed your brow curiously.  
“FN-2187, ma’am.” The trooper saluted between gasps of air.  
“Watch where you’re going next time. And put your helmet on before Captain Phasma turns that corner, FN-2187.” You handed him his helmet, leaving him dumfounded that you hadn’t killed him.  
You hadn’t actually killed anyone in your time on the Starkiller Base, you didn’t believe in the way Darth Vader had done things, seeing how well it went for him, and you didn’t understand why Kylo was so obsessed with his grandfather. Obviously, Darth Vader was a force to be reckoned with, but you believed in doing things differently.  
You had arrived back at your quarters; a rather large room with leather couches facing the large windows that looked out onto the frozen planet and a large bed complete with dark silk sheets. It was a nice and you fell back onto the bed with a weighted sigh. You didn’t want to get up, so lazily you probed out with the force to find Kylo, he was in his quarters which were down the hall from yours.  
Kylooooo. Kylo! I don’t wanna get up. Your thoughts reached his mind, a trick you both liked to take advantage of since you discovered it by accident years ago.  
I have Corellian brandy. Kylo’s deep voice rang in your head and you perked up at the offer.  
Gross, sounds gross, but okay. Come to my room, I’m not getting up for brandy.  
A few hours later, you and Kylo were in a fit of giggles about the latest prank you had pulled on General Hux. Your talk got deeper and more emotional as the night went on and you ended up telling him a bit of your story. About the planet you grew up on, covered in ice and snow much like this one. How your parents disappeared and left you with an aging neighbour, who you killed on the commands of Snoke when you left for the Starkiller Base and where you met the young Kylo Ren all those years ago. Kylo grew quiet as he told you his story,   
“My name was Ben.” His eyes darkened with a deeper kind of sadness than they usually held.  
“Our pasts make us stronger, Kylo, the pain makes us stronger. Or at least, I like to think so.”  
“Than why do I feel so weak.” His voice cracked as he spoke.   
“I feel weak too, but… I feel stronger when I’m with you. You’re my strength.”  
Your eyes met, something unspoken passed between you as your [Y/E/C] eyes met his dark brown ones.   
“And you are mine.”   
You had spent the night talking and found yourselves on the floor with Kylo’s head in your lap. You were idly running your fingers through his dark locks when you realized what you were doing. Your face turned red,  
“Um, so it’s pretty late, I-I think. I should probably go to bed, big day tomorrow, we’re going to Jakku to find that map and… and stuff.” You said, sitting up straighter.  
With a sigh, Kylo sat up and his face was incredibly close to yours, that you could smell the brandy and the faint smell of snow and musk on him. It was familiar to you, comforting even.  
“I suppose.” Kylo looked down at your lips and back into your eyes. You mirrored him and the thought of kissing him assaulted your brain. Where the fuck is this coming from. You thought, red faced. “You know I can read your mind when you’re drunk.” Kylo suddenly said, “And, with your permission, I’d also like to kiss you.”  
You opened your mouth to speak, but closed it. Fuck it. And met his mouth in the middle. His lips were soft and the warmth from the kiss spread through your stomach. The kiss was chaste, but filled with a pent up passion you both had been suppressing. But it was over as quickly as it began.  
“Um… I should go. Good-goodnight [Y/N]. I’ll… see you in the morning.” Kylo awkwardly pat your head and left.  
What. Was. That.  
As you lay in your bed you couldn’t sleep that night. You ran your fingers over the ghost of his lips on yours. You were scared, but also giddy over the feeling. Kylo had that affect on you. It was strange, terrifying, and yet exciting. Little did you know, Kylo couldn’t sleep that night either, he was thinking about you too.


	3. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices: Chapter 3

The next morning your head was reeling, exhausted from a sleepless night and the odd events within it. You groggily pulled your tired body out of bed and doused your face in cold water. Pretend nothing happened. Everything is normal, [Y/N]. You are not in love with Kylo, you were just drunk and now you have a headache. You got dressed into your everyday black tunic and laced up your boots. Focus. You were about to leave your quarters when you felt a presence in the hallway: it was Kylo. You bit back a curse when you realized you had leaned against the motion sensor and your door flew open.

“GOOD MORNING!” You shouted and quickly ducked as Kylo launched the hilt of his lightsaber at you.

“What the hell! [Y/N] I have a headache!” Kylo pressed his hand to the side of his mask.

“Sorry! I didn’t know you were out here and you surprised me… And I guess I returned the favour.” You chuckled, handing Kylo his saber.

“Well no more surprises, I don’t even remember what happened last night and all I know is we’re taking off and landing in Jakku tonight which means I have a few hours to get rid of this hangover.”

You were caught off guard by the odd sense of disappointment you felt by Kylo’s words. He didn’t remember? Was he lying? You could never tell how he was feeling through that mask. Maybe it was for the best, you had bigger things to focus on, like finding Luke Skywalker.

“Use the Force.” You said, jamming and elbow into Kylo’s side as you made your way down the halls.

“That’s not how the Force works.” Kylo laughed one last time before both of your demeanours changed as you entered the main halls of the Base.

Walking in sync, you both made your way into the main briefing room, begrudgingly nodding towards General Hux, you took a seat next to him and went over the mission for today.

When the meeting was over, you and Kylo boarded the massive ship that would be taking you to Jakku. Kylo wasn’t acting out of character, still the short-tempered, sith lord’s apprentice you knew. You hoped you weren’t staring too long, but you just couldn’t believe he was acting so normal. You had probed in his head a little before he could notice and saw that he remembered and was ACTIVELY thinking about it. Maybe he just didn’t care. You tried not to dwell on it as you spent most of the day by Kylo’s side, only stopping to oversee Captain Phasma’s troops, when your eyes locked with a certain storm trooper.

“FN-2187, lovely to see you again, standing up with your mask on.” You spoke to him out of the group of troopers.

He said nothing, nodding towards you. You looked over at Captain Phasma,

“I trust he is ready for combat? I would not have been so eager to take him from toilet duty.”

“He his ready, Master [Y/N]. I oversaw his training personally.”

“Hm, if you say so.” You spun on your heels, taking one last look at the trooper.

You returned to Kylo’s side when the time for attack came. You boarded the smaller command shuttle. You both flew in awkward silence, unsure of what to expect when you landed. As the door opened, the sound of death was overwhelming, but oddly familiar. This part of the mission was routine, you often took the battlefield yourself, but something felt different about this. Somehow, you felt everything was going to change after this, but you weren’t sure if it was for the better or not.

An old man was brought in front of Kylo, you couldn’t remember his name, you were nodding off during briefing, exhausted as you still were They were talking when you tuned back into the conversation.

“But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.” He spat at Kylo.

“Oh shit, you shouldn’t have said that.” You mumbled.

“You’re so right.” Kylo’s voice was dangerously calm as he slashed through the man.

Fucking Kylo and his daddy issues.

Suddenly you felt a blast coming towards Kylo but before you could stop it, Kylo spun and held the laser blast in place. A man, young, close to your age, was brought to Kylo now as you stepped up beside him.

“So… who talks first? I talk first, you guys talk first?” You stifled amusement at his words. He had guts, you’d give him that.

“I’ll talk first. You’re going to tell us where the map is.” He was about to protest when you added, “Look, it’s been a long day and I’m running out of goddam patience?” You squatted down to meet his eyes, reaching your hand out with the intentions of force choking the answers out of him when Kylo interjected,

“Bring him on board.” You turned around indignantly. Guess this day is getting longer. You heard the man make another quip. Kylo made the order to kill the rest of the villagers and you were about to return to the command shuttle when you felt something.

You looked over at the storm troopers, they were all firing, all except one. Kylo, look. FN-2187 is just standing there. You both turned your gaze over to FN-2187. He met your gaze. You took a mental note to talk to Phasma about him later.

Falling into line with Kylo, you both walked up into the ship, the sound of Resistance fighter’s blast, that was once held in place by the force, was the last thing you heard before the doors closed.

This is going to be a long night.--  
The night wore on until you weren’t sure if it was still the night or the day. Kylo discovered the map was in a BB-8 unit, but not long after, the Resistance pilot, Poe, and FN-2187 escaped. Of course they did, because literally everything had to happen when you were running on 48 hours without sleep.

You ran to the control room, finding Kylo Ren and General Hux giving out commands.

“What the ever-loving-fuck is going on?!” You shouted, both men spinning to meet your gaze.

You were angry. They didn’t like it when you were angry.

“FN-2187 and the Resistance pilot have escaped. They crashed on Jakku, we are sending fighters out there now to retrieve them.” General Hux answered evenly.

“And how exactly do they escape? How the-“ You went off on a rampage, the ship shaking as you spewed off insults and obscenities to anyone within ear shot. General Hux slowly backed out of the room, leaving Kylo alone to deal with your rage.

“And you! How the fuck don’t you remember anything from last night? I know you do! Are you really going to pretend like nothing happened? I’ve been going absolutely insane! I haven’t slept, I haven’t eaten, and everything that could possibly go wrong has GONE WRONG! We’ve lost the map! We’ve lost the pilot! Hell! We even lost the best sanitation crewmember to the Resistance! They don’t deserve pristine toilets! And I’ve lost my goddamn mind because I think I’m in love with my best friend… I’m in love with my best friend who’s a future Sith Lord and I don’t think he loves me back.” Your voice died at the end of your sentence as you backed out into the hall and ran, leaving a dumbfounded Kylo Ren in your wake.

You ran down the corridors until you couldn’t anymore and slumped down into a corner. Your eyes were red from anger and tears, you ran a dark sleeve across your nose. You hadn’t lost control like that for a long time. You felt sick to your core, your head was spinning and you felt yourself losing consciousness. You tried to get up, but your pounding head wouldn’t allow it. Your vision blurred in and out as you saw a dark figure coming towards you.

“I love you too, [Y/N].” Was all you heard as your world turned black.


	4. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices: Chapter 4

When you awoke, the room you were in was unexpectedly familiar. It was Kylo’s, his quarter’s were similar to yours, but the view overlooked more of the mountain range, while yours was blocked by forest. The equally familiar scent of snow and a deep musk filled your senses as you realized the pillow you were lying on was far too firm to be anything stuffed with feathers. Slowly you lifted your head to see two intense brown eyes staring down at you,

“Well good morning, beautiful. I was almost thinking you weren’t ever going to wake up.” Kylo spoke quietly, brush a lose strand of hair from your forehead.

“Goodmorning…“ You looked at him than down at yourself, lacing your fingers between his you looked back up at him, "Um… Kylo, what does this mean? Like, what does this mean… for us?” You weren’t sure what you meant specifically.

Why are you in his room? Why is he in this room with you? Did you just imagine him saying “I love you” back, but he must have, but what did that mean for the both of you? Could you still be Sith Lords? Love had too many weak emotions attached to it, but how much did you both really care? All these questions were starting to give you a headache.

“I’m not sure, but I’d like to find out.” Kylo finally answered.

“Is this really such a good idea? I mean I was tired, I wasn’t thinking straight and that night, I wasn’t thinking straight either. We have a duty to the First Order… I mean… I don’t know.”

“I love you, [Y/N]. I think I have since the first day we met. I-I didn’t think you ever felt the same way. We’ll take this one step at a time, but… I don’t want to go back to how things were.”

“I love you too, Kylo. Always have. One step at a time sounds like a plan.”

Kylo flashed you a smile that practically made your heart hurt, you loved when he smiled.

“Then these are our first steps! And they should probably be out the door, because we’re late for our meeting.”

You groaned, the idea of leaving Kylo’s arms was the least inviting thing you had ever heard, and you had heard a lot of awful things. As you got up, you realized something,

“Kylo,” A quiet hum answered you, “Did you actually carry me all the way from the shuttle to your room?”

Kylo turned a shade of pink,

“Well, I mean you weren’t going to walk there yourself…” He unlaced his fingers from yours and scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably.

You smiled, leaning down to kiss his cheek,

“Someone’s got a cruuush on me.” You teased and left a very flustered Kylo in your wake as you left to your own quarters.

The whole base was buzzing with anticipation. General Hux and Kylo left to meet with Supreme Leader Snoke, you on the other hand weren’t eager to talk to him, so you left to find Captain Phasma.

“Captain!” You called.

“Ah, Lady [Y/N], you’re awake!” Her words almost made you blush as you thought of what it must have looked like to other people.

“I am! And ready for your reports, Captain. Any moment now, we will need to send an extraction team to get that droid and I imagine the Resistance will not make it easy.”

“Already on it, ma’am.”

“Of course, I’d expect nothing less from you. This is why you’re my favourite.” You smiled and saluted the Captain as you left.

Suddenly, you heard the familiar sounds of a lightsaber against consoles and the very angry, distorted yells of Kylo. You sighed, turning back to make eye-to-helmet contact with Captain Phasma, who shook her head and gave you a thumbs up. You were often sent to handle Kylo’s tantrums, something Captain Phasma was grateful for, dealing with enough casualties on the battlefield without her troops dying from an angry Kylo Ren. You rolled you eyes and made a blaster with your fingers, pulling the imaginary trigger against your forehead. You hated when he did this.

Storming into the room, you dodged sparks and pulled the saber from his hands with one angry Force pull.

“Kylo! What have I told you about breaking important shit? We really need to start making you a tantrum room.” You stopped talking when you felt how distraught Kylo was.

“Kylo… Kylo, what’s wrong? What happened?” Slowly he turned, removing his helmet.

His face was filled with pain, you could see something was tearing him apart by just looking into his eyes. His eyebrows were pulled together, his breath hitching as he made a strangled attempt to speak, opening his mouth and closing it wordlessly. You rushed forward and pulled him into a tight hug. His frame collapsed into yours as he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his head into your stomach.

“The droid…” Kylo choked out, “My father has the droid.”

You knelt down, drawing your hand gently under his chin so his eyes could meet yours. You felt your heart breaking as your eyes met.

“Then we will get it back. Nothing will stand in our way, Kylo. This is not a weakness, this is just… being human.”

“How? How is this not weakness? I’m letting my past control me!”

“Your past is a part of you, if you felt nothing, you’d be a Jedi. This… this just means you’re alive. I will be by your side, Kylo, right by your side, no matter what. We are going to get this droid. We are going to get the map, and we’re going to find Luke Skywalker.” You nodded, meeting his eyes until he gave a small nod back.

He leaned closer to your face, a desolate look still furrowing his eyebrows as he leaned his forehead softly against yours. You closed the distance as you wrapped him up in a deep kiss. He hesitated at first, you both weren’t used to anything physical, really, but slowly you both eased deeper into the kiss. It was almost desperate, as if you were both trying to reassure each other that you weren’t going anywhere, that you’d never leave each other’s side. No matter what, you were going to be there for each other and in that quiet moment, it felt like it would never change.


	5. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices: Chapter 5

The news that the droid had been spotted on the planet, Takodana, came not long after. You and Kylo were going over the plan of attack with Captain Phasma when General Hux stormed into the room,

“The weapon is ready, Supreme Leader Snoke has given the order, the end of the Republic starts today!” General Hux seemed more animated than you had ever seen him.

I guess the idea of mass genocide really makes him feel alive. You smirked as you sent the thought towards Kylo.

I don’t know if this is a good idea.

You turned your gaze slightly towards Kylo while Captain Phasma and General Hux spoke.

If Supreme Leader Snoke thinks it is, we have to trust him.

Kylo’s head turned down to the table, nodding silently.

I still don’t want any part of it. I’ll be on the command shuttle waiting to leave for Takodana.

You nodded, turning your attention back to General Hux,

“General, I know you’re in the middle of planning out your very evil monologue, and I’m sure it’s very evil, but Master Ren and I have more important things to do than listen to you talk to yourself. “ You spoke up.

“Oh, I’m sorry? Were you talking? Because as soon as you opened your mouth I suddenly had an insufferable migraine.”

“You wound me, General. Let’s just hope you have a bite behind that bark.”

Hux huffed, glaring at you both as you left the room, saluting Captain Phasma and extending your middle finger to Hux. General Hux rolled his eyes, unamused. You don’t remember why you and Hux started fighting, but you think it had something to do with the constant power struggle between you two, fighting for favour with Supreme Leader Snoke. Either way, you both had always rubbed each other the wrong way, but you still kind of liked the guy. If you didn’t he would have been floating out in space somewhere without a breathing apparatus.

“I love when his face matches his hair. Remind me to send him an apology card later. Something with lots of colours.” You snickered as you and Kylo entered the hall.

Kylo was distant as you boarded the shuttle. He would shut down like this sometimes. There were days where you had to coax him out of be. He’d say nothing, like a switch in his mind just went off and he was gone. It scared you when he was like this, he was always reckless, but when he was like this it was almost like he wanted to get hurt. Any care for his wellbeing was gone to wherever his mind went when he was like this. You waited till you two were alone to talk to him,

“Kylo, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

“I’m scaring myself.” He gave rueful chuckle with his words, “I’m never going to be strong enough, am I? There’s never going to be a moment where I’m not driven mad by Light.”

“I don’t think things are as black and white as they seem.”

“That’s not what the Supreme Leader says.”

You nodded,

“I… I think we have to find our own path. Forget how other people say it should be.”

Kylo seemed to be considering your words as if you had said the most horrifying, yet genius thing in the entire galaxy.

“Kylo. I’ve seen you at your weakest and I’ve seen you when you are strong and I love both. I love you, Kylo, and now that I can say it, I don’t want to stop. But please, don’t shut down on me.”

You intertwined your hands with his, watching the war rage on in his dark eyes.

“And I love you.” Kylo said barely above a whisper.

Slowly you lips met again, softly, as if you were scared of hurting each other. Time and space faded in a flurry of skin to skin as you and Kylo became the only two people in the galaxy.

(A/N: I don’t write smut, so you can just fill this in however you want)

You were on Kylo’s chest on the floor of his private quarters. The dark robes you and Kylo wore were the only thing separating your entwined frames from the cold floor. You were twirling your fingers through his hair as he ran chills down your spine with his fingers barely grazing the warm skin of your back. You drank in his features, the strong cheekbones with scattered freckles creating constellations on his skin. He was beautiful in the most complex sort of way, much like his personality, his face was a contradiction of sharp edges and soft curls.

“You are the most beautiful creation this galaxy has ever created, you know that?” You spoke softly between kisses against his neck.

“That title is all yours, [Y/N].” Kylo drew a finger along your draw, bringing your eyes to his. “I could search this galaxy and the ones beyond it and never find anyone like you.”

You smiled, “If only that were true.”

“I’ve never lied to you and that still hasn’t changed.”

The sudden buzz of voices rang outside the doors and with a groan you dropped your head into Kylo’s chest.

“General Hux is launching the weapon soon. We have to go.” The rumbling of an equally unhappy groan came from under you.

“Fuck it, I don’t even want to see it.”

“If all goes well on Takodana, we can be back in my quarters before we know it.” You smirked, nipping at his bottom lip as you wiggled into your leather pants.

“I’m holding you to that promise.”

“I hope that’s not the only thing you’re holding me to.”

You got dressed and watched as Kylo was about to pull on his mask,

“Wait!” You ran over to him, confusion spreading across his features, “One more.” You gave him a quick peck on the cheek and you were about to turn around when he pulled you back for another, deepened kiss,

“Two more.” He smiled and then disappeared behind the beaten mask.

“It’s show time.” You walked out, side-by-side with Kylo and went to the front of the ship.

As you watched the planets explode, you felt Kylo’s mood turn cloudly and looked over at him, unable to read his emotions. Nonetheless, you held your hand out, linking your fingers into his and watched the red explosions dance off the front of his mask.

You and Kylo were playing a dangerous game and you weren’t sure if you were the King and Queen anymore, or just pawns.


	6. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices: Chapter 6

The strike on Takodana was not going as expected. You looked over the carnage, blasts from both sides sent troopers and Resistance fighters flying everywhere. You stood back, craning your neck to see if you could spot the droid. Instead your eyes met with an older looking man, yet something about his eyes seemed familiar. You held gazes for a moment, before a very hairy, very tall looking creature launched a blast your way. You narrowly dodged it before turning away. You needed to fall back. You stormed through the fight, looking for where Kylo had gone into the forest.

You heard the buzzing of a lightsaber and the sound of firing, before it went quiet, just the hollow buzz ringing in your ears. Two storm troopers followed you when you found Kylo and another girl, who you could only assume was the one that escaped with FN-2187 and the droid.

“Kylo, we need to retreat. Now!” You looked from him the girl.

Your eyes met for a moment, you were curious about her as you tilted your head to the side. Kylo waved his hand and she fell into his arms.

“We’re taking her?”

“She’s seen the map, she could be useful.”

You nodded, a followed him back to the shuttle. You looked back one last time at the battle waging behind you. The old man was watching something past you. Your head turned to where his eyes were looking: at Kylo. He didn’t look angry, in fact, there was almost something sorrowful in his expression. Did they know each other? You pushed back the thought for now and took a seat in the command shuttle.

“Are you sure about this?” You gestured towards the unconscious form of the girl.

“No. But it’s our best shot.” Kylo seemed defeated as he sat next to you.

You felt something warm dripping down your forearm, your brows furrows as you lifted your arm, something damp was staining your leave. You looked down your fingers, slick with blood.

“Fuck. Damn those crossbow blasters.” You winced, you hadn’t even realized you’d been shot.

“What-Oh shit, [Y/N] you’re hurt.” Kylo pulled off his helmet and knelt by your side, quickly tearing the fabric to reveal a jagged blaster wound on your shoulder. He drew in a sharp breath.

“Good observation. I’ll be fine. This was my favourite shirt, though.” You winced as Kylo gently began wrapping the wound in the cleaner fabric from your sleeve.

“I’ll take you the medcentre as soon as we get back.”

“I can walk, it’s fine, just find out what you can from her.” Your head spun, you had lost more blood than you thought.

“No, I want to make sure you make it there. You’re whiter than Hux.”

You gave a pained chuckle, nodding, as you reached out and touched Kylo’s face,

“Look at you all worried about me. You’re cute.”

“And you must be delirious, get some rest.”

—

“Kylo. Kylo she can’t work when you’re standing so close.”

“Kylo, I’m fine, stopping making that face.”

“Kylo, really, she’s doing her job. Oh, don’t give me those puppy dog eyes, go, I’ll be fine.”

Kylo was reluctant to leave you at the medcentre, but after you insisted, for the 100th time, he had to leave because he was scaring the doctor. He was giving her a look like he was force choking her in his mind every time you flinched. The adrenaline had worn off and the pain was overwhelming, but you kept a brave face on until Kylo left.

You were bandaged and returning to your quarters when the Resistance attacked. You stopped and broke into a dead sprint to find Kylo. Instead you collided with Captain Phasma in the corridor.

“Captain! I apologize! Have you seen Kylo? And… why do you smell like garbage?” You crinkled your nose as the stench that radiated off of her.

“Don’t. Ask. And no, Lady [Y/N], I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay but don’t think I won’t be asking again after we take care of these pricks.”

You broke into a run again as you reached one of the far wings of the base. You looked down over the edge of the chasm when you heard a yell,

“Ben!”

Your heart stopped as you watched the scene unfold. The old man you had seen on Takodana met Kylo on the bridge. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but you knew something was very wrong. Two and two put themselves together as you realized why the man’s eyes were so familiar. They looked like Kylo’s. That was his father and immediately you knew what Kylo was planning to do.

You looked across from your viewpoint and saw FN-2187 and the girl watch the scene unfolding in front of them. It would have been so easy to reach across and force pull them over the edge, but something stopped you. They screamed suddenly and you saw Kylo’s light saber retract from inside the man. He fell over the edge as a blast from the same wookie struck Kylo.

“Kylo!” You screamed and all attention was turned towards you. Your eyes met Kylo from a brief moment, panic radiated off of both of you. A blast shot beside your head as you ran. You had to get to him. What the fuck is going on? You knew Snoke had wanted Kylo to kill his parents, but you really never thought he would. What did this mean for you? What did this mean for any of them? You had to get to Kylo but you knew you wouldn’t make it in time. The pain in your shoulder was exploding as you ran out into the snow. You fell to your knees, shock coursing through your body. You saw glows of red and blue in the distance of the forest but you didn’t move, you looked down and saw as blood dripped down your fingers from your shoulder. A vision suddenly took over your senses as you stared at the blood.

You stood on an unfamiliar planet, rain was soaking your clothes. You felt your hands close over Kylo’s as you looked into his eyes, pressing something that was in Kylo’s hands. Pain exploded from your abdomen. You looked down at the cross guard saber jutting out of your stomach. Blood soaked your hands and his as the rain fought to wash it away.

“This was always meant to happen, this is why Snoke brought us together.” You heard your voice strain to speak.

“I love you, [Y/N]. I love you. I-I can’t do this without you, I don’t want this, I never wanted any of this. I just want this pain to stop.” Rain and tears poured down both of your faces.

“I love you too.”


	7. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices: Chapter 7

The vision faded and you crumbled forward onto your hands, dry heaving as you fought to catch you breath. The ground was shaking beneath you and you saw the planet crack into the forest. I have to find Kylo. Was the only thought running through your head as you stumbled forward into the trees. You saw blood in the snow, following it you found a dark figure lying in the snow. You heart fell into your stomach as you let out a strangled gasp, you ran as fast as your legs could carry you, falling to Kylo’s side.

“Kylo! Kylo, stay with me, love, stay with me!” You were hysterical, your frozen hands desperate to find a pulse.

You saw lights from across the split in the earth, you saw the girl knelt next to a figure. You held up your hands, showing you weren’t going to attack, you both had suffered enough. You nodded to each other as her and another figure carried the body on the ship. You turned your attention back to Kylo, relieved to find a heartbeat, though it was faint.

Gods, Kylo what did they do to you. Tears fell onto his face, a gash ran from his cheek across his nose and up into his forehead. You heard another ship coming towards you as you cradled his head in your lap, your hand resting on his side to stop the bleeding. General Hux put a hand on your shoulder,

“Supreme Leader Snoke has ordered us to come to him at once. Master Ren will be okay, he will complete his training.”

A looked of complete hopelessness marred your features as you watched storm troopers carry Kylo onto the ship. You knew what was coming.

You watched numbly as doctors busied themselves around you, one caustiously began work on your shoulder as you watched the unconscious form of Kylo from the bed across from you. Your gaze travelled to your hands, they were covered in his blood. There was so much blood. You knew as a nurse carefully wiped it away that you would always have the image scarred into your mind.

You said nothing as you landed on a distant, barren planet. A cold, ominous fortress swallowed the ship whole as the world suddenly became still. You remembered this place from when you were a child, brought to train here when you were 13. A scar from a Sith’s light saber still ran across your back, an ugly reminder of your weakness.

General Hux gestured for you to follow him, both of you silent as you walked down the dark, damp halls. Stone as far as your eyes could see, faint red light was the only thing that illuminated them.

“We are to meet with the Supreme Leader immediately, I trust you are able?” General Hux’s voice echoed through the halls, colliding with the sounds of your footsteps.

“Does it matter?” You croaked.

“No.”

You and Hux entered the room that had haunted your nightmares since you were a child. You had never been in it, but it was just as you had seen. A large, throne-like stone chair sat at the end of a long walkway, a skylight illuminated it. It was the only light in the room as you stepped carefully towards it. Supreme Leader Snoke stood before you. He wasn’t as small as you had hoped, but he didn’t tower over you like he had at the Starkiller Base. An uneasiness washed over you as you met his gaze, fear twisting your already unsettled state.

“[Y/N], Hux, you have brought great disappointment to the First Order and to me.” His voice sounded just as it did in the hologram, echoing and larger than life.

“Supreme Leader, we apologize. We will not fail you again.” General Hux answered.

“Tell me, [Y/N], how does an un-trained scavenger beat two of my most powerful force users?”

You raised your eyes to meet his, a cold anger radiated off of you, causing even Hux to take a step to the side.

“I had a vision, Supreme Leader, of my destiny. Tell me, Master Snoke, does it really matter what happened today? We were never destined to defeat them. I am destined to die at the hands of Kylo Ren and that is how the First Order wins.” Your voice was dangerously level, “So why the formalities, Master. Let’s just get to the point, yeah?”

Snoke seemed pleased by your anger,

“Spoken like a true opportunist. You’re right, but it still does not excuse your failure.”

General Hux was looking from you to Snoke and back, taken aback by the exchange.

“Supreme Leader, if I may-” Hux interjected before you cut him off.

“Oh, fuck the ‘Supreme Leader’ bullshit! Yeah, we had our asses handed to us, Kylo almost died, and the entire planet got blasted like the Death Star! We can stand around pointing fingers like fucking children all day, or we can just get on with it and retaliate. Let’s turn Kylo into the ultimate weapon by making him kill everything he loves and crush the Resistance. Yeah? Yeah. Okay, good fucking talk!” You began to storm out of the room when you felt an extreme pain explode in your head. You let out a scream and fell to the stone floor.

“I will not tolerate such behavior.” Snoke’s voice sounded distant as you clutched your head. “You will speak to me with respect or I will make your last days agony.”

You felt a forceful shove and the pain subsided. You lay on the ground trembling as Hux and Snoke left the room. You lay there for what felt like hours until you heard footsteps coming your way. You struggled to pull your aching body off the ground, fearing Snoke was coming back when you heard a familiar voice call your name as relief rushed through you.

“[Y/N], are you okay?” Kylo reached out and wiped a tear from your cheek as he knelt in front of you.

“Am I okay? Are you okay?” You snapped out of your daze, checking him over for injuries to only find scars in their place. You drew in a sharp breath as you ran a delicate finger over the scar on his face,

“Is it bad that I think this makes you sexier? Very badass.” You kissed him, feeling him laugh against your mouth,

“You’d be the only one. But seriously, [Y/N], what happened?” His eyes were filled with worry, but you also saw something else in them now. Kylo’s eyes always held certain sadness in those damned, beautiful brown irises of his, but now there was a deep misery taking over them now. This day had broken him. It didn’t make him stronger.

“I didn’t keep my big mouth shut is all. No biggie.” You tried to pass it off, but you could tell Kylo wasn’t buying it. “But forget that. Kylo you scared the hell out of me, I thought you were going to die.”

“And leave you alone with Hux? Never.” He kissed you again, softly, but it felt far more intimate, like you were both trying to heal the pain in each other.

You couldn’t hide your physical injuries from each other, but it seemed you were both going to hide the damage this night had done mentally, if not for your own sakes, but for each other’s.


	8. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices: Chapter 8 (Sad End)

You had been withdrawn for the past couple days on Snoke’s fortress. General Hux and Captain Phasma were busy recovering troops, hoping to rebuild what they could from the carnage of the Starkiller Base. You and Kylo had been kept busy training, but outside of training times you barely talked. Kylo had tried to confront you multiple times about it, you dismissing him every time.

Every time you looked at him you saw the blood, you saw the brokenness in his eyes, you felt that red light saber you came face-to-face with everyday in training piercing through you. Nightmares tore you from sleep every night, waking up in cold sweats. Kylo could hear you screaming at night and despite always sending him away, he came to your side every time. You never let him stay, but you knew sometimes you slept on the chair near your bed. It tore you apart to push him away, but you knew it was for the best. If you distanced yourself from him, your death wouldn’t mean as much to him.

You ended training early that day as rain began to pour outside. The confines of the stone fortress were driving you insane so you wandered out into the rain. You turned your face up to the sky, letting the rain fall over your skin, the sensation all too familiar from your dreams. So this is when it happens. You think and despite knowing your entire life you’d die for the First Order, you were scared. Tears began to fall when you heard boots running up behind you,

“[Y/N], wait! What the hell is going on?” Kylo’s voice called after you, his long strides quickly catching up to you.

“Nothing, Kylo! For the one thousandth time!” You spun around quickly to face him but you didn’t meet his stare.

“Really? I’m not fucking buying that this time, [Y/N]! I’ve really needed you these past few days and you haven’t fucking been here! Do you not love me anymore? Is that what this is?” He ducked his head to meet your eyes, you held them for a moment before looking down at your boots.

“This is because I love you, Kylo.”

“Really? Because this,” He gestured towards you angrily, “This isn’t love.”

“Kylo… please… just stop.”

“What’s going on in your head, [Y/N]? You don’t think seeing you like this kills me? Let me in.”

“Okay.”

“What?”

You grabbed his hand, putting it on the side of your face,

“Read my mind, Kylo.”

You felt a gentle tug in your head as you thought about your vision. Kylo’s expression turned to absolute horror as he pulled away from you.

“[Y/N]… what was that.” His voice was tight.

A new wave of tears broke through you as you told him about your destiny, how Kylo had to kill you.

“It’s the only way, Kylo. You want this pain to end? You want to be free? Kill me. It’s the only way. Kill me and you’ll lead the First Order to victory. You’ll finish what Vader started.” You reached over suddenly, grabbing Kylo’s light saber from his hilt and shoving it into his hands. “Kylo it’s the only way.”

The broken face of Kylo from your dreams suddenly became a reality in front of you. Time felt like it had stopped, you didn’t even feel the rain soaking through your thick clothing anymore.

“No… no I-I can’t.” Kylo was shaking.

“If you don’t, Snoke will just kill me anyway. Please, if I have to die, I want you to be the last thing I see.” Your hands wrapped around Kylo’s.

“Don’t make me do this, please.” Both your hands were shaking.

You removed one hand from the hilt and pulled his mouth to yours. You took in every feeling, the softness of his lips, the taste of rain water on your tongue, the feel of his face under your fingertips. Even in the rain you still smelled the faint comfort of snow. You were going to miss him. Your heart was pounding, as you felt the fingers of your right hand slip down, pressing the hilt. You stumbled back a bit, the pain more excruciating than it was in your dreams. Kylo held onto you, tears and rain rushing down both your faces.

“I love you, [Y/N]. I love you. I don’t want this, I don’t want any of this. [Y/N] stay with me.” His voice sounded like you were underwater as your mouth filled with a metallic taste. 

You lay in his arms, taking in his features you had known as well as your own. You didn’t do this for Snoke, or for the First Order, you did this for him. Love was not a feeling for the Dark Side, love was not what built the Empire, and love wasn’t going to save you from your fate, but love would save him. Save him from himself, the last light in a sea of darkness. The last light you saw as your eyes began to close.

“I love you too.”


	9. Love Will Have Its Sacrifices: Chapter 8 (Main Finale)

(Continued from that depressing bullshit I wrote before this)…….

“No… no I-I can’t.” Kylo was shaking.

“If you don’t, Snoke will just kill me anyway. Please, if I have to die, I want you to be the last thing I see.” Your hands wrapped around Kylo’s.

“Don’t make me do this, please.” Both your hands were shaking.

You removed one hand from the hilt and went to pull his mouth to yours, before he stopped you. He dropped the light saber to the ground, sending it flying with the Force into the dark oblivion that was the planet you were on.

“Kylo?”

“No. If this is the Dark Side, if the Dark Side won’t let me love you, then I don’t want it.” Kylo crashed his lips into yours, a kiss desperate to hold onto you.

Suddenly you heard Snoke,

“Kylo Ren! How dare you defy the Dark Side! You will never be as strong as Darth Vader as long as she lives!”

“Kylo, run.” You said softly.

“Not without you.” Kylo said, grabbing your hand.

You both broke into a sprint for the shuttle that was off in the distance. You felt pain explode in your mind again as you had in Snoke’s throne room. The taste of blood filled your mouth as your vision blurred. You collapsed to the ground,

“[Y/N!” You heard Kylo call your name, you saw him suddenly send bolts of white energy towards Snoke, knocking him backwards, before he scooped you up in his arms and began running.

The last thing you saw were the stars from outside the shuttle, the site of Kylo anxiously pressing buttons as he piloted the ship, still lying across his lap, and then your vision turned black.

(3rd Person POV)

“…Requesting landing. I repeat, white flag, we come unarmed, shields are down, we are requesting landing.” Kylo Ren spoke over a comm to the Resistance Base. A crowd had collected on the landing strip, a very heavily armed crowd, and Kylo was getting nervous. He looked down at the unconscious form of [Y/N] and gauged the risk worth it.

“Alright, you’re clear to land, but pull anything and I’ll shoot you myself.” The voice of Poe Dameron spoke back.

“I’d let you.” Kylo replied, carefully landing the shuttle.

He hadn’t flown since he was a child and his father was really the one piloting with Chewie, but he let Kylo pretend. A pang of regret struck Kylo at the memory. He pushed it to the side has he carefully lifted [Y/N] into his arms, walking down the ramp. He saw his mother for the first time in almost 15 years standing only a few feet away from him. Her eyes were misty and all attention was turned to him and the limp form of [Y/N] cradled in his arms.

“Please… help us.”


End file.
